a couple years back I ordered every Disney movie I could get my hands on (minus Pinocchio and Dumbo which both upset me in ways I'd never subject my babies to). so a couple of weeks ago, I broke out The Lion King not knowing what to expect. I worried that it was too scary or sad and feared that it may prompt questions I'm not prepared to answer. I was kind of right.
while the scary parts are easy enough to flip through, it's the sad parts and the girls reactions to them that are flipping me out. this afternoon, Maisy said to Birdie: Simba's daddy die. without missing a beat, Birdie told her sister: yeah, but it's just pretend. mommies and daddies don't die in real life. right, mommy?
and I lied. I had to. for their sake and mine I said: mmmhmmm. this is one conversation I'm not ready to have. I'd rather be asked about where babies come from.
the fact is, I was just a couple years older than Biride is now when I was shaken by and deeply affected by death. I remember so vividly sitting in Kay's Bakery with my mom and her pregnant friend. they were talking about the new baby and I recall my mom offering to come help with the baby's room. I was eating a smiley face cookie. it seems like it was the very next day that this friend, her baby, and her husband were all killed when a driver--drunk and high on cocaine--hit them head on. her young son, Billy, survived, but was paralyzed from the chest down. I remember shortly after the accident we went to my dad's office and I saw and read the story of the crash through the glass of a newspaper machine.
I had so many questions and was so confused and can remember feeling so overwhelmed by emotions that I'd never before felt. I was so traumatized by the shock of someone being there-right there-one day and gone the next.
I don't know if a death talk before this tragedy would have alleviated the terror that consumed me. (in a case this horrific, I doubt it) but it does make me question how long I can put off being up front and honest with the girls about questions of life and death.
I worry that having that conversation would somehow allow the universe to feel that my girls are prepared to accept and deal with death, and I can't handle that. so when is the right time?! does anyone know...or think they know?? help me out here...